Absolute b****cks
All-new low today. Prepare yourselves for a self-pitying, mardy-cow blogpost. But if you were most likely about to click on another video of a panda in a paddling pool or cats falling off sofas, you may as well read this.
I'm probably at my lowest ebb just now - completely disheartened about running, fundraising and that dissatisfying feeling of hitting my head against a brick wall. For this reason, I hope you don't all think this is an ungrateful, self-absorbed blog post. I've always said I'll keep my Run Watson Run profile as honest as possible, so that's why I'm not telling you "Not such a great run today, hopefully be back to it soon!" or "Slow run today, need to get in the gym!" or "Tired after today's run!" Just No.
Let me tell you how this morning went, and we might get to the bottom of my crappy outlook on the whole thing.
23 miles was planned for this morning, starting at 3am and hoping to finish at 7am. That's not unheard of for me since it's difficult to get a run done in the evenings with work, horses etc, so it wasn't a big deal.
Up and dressed at 2.30am, I wasn't fully awake but I always think that's for the best - I usually just flop out onto the road in my trainers with bleary eyes and am too tired to put much effort into overthinking it!
First couple of miles I'm thinking okay, could do with being in bed just now but that feeling should go once I get into a rhythm and cover a few more miles. I mean, it's getting lighter as I go, and I've run in worse conditions, I thought to myself.
5 mile mark comes around and I'm getting more bleary eyed and my legs aren't feeling too fresh. Well, s**t, can't I just have a nice, easy long run today?!
By the 6/7 mile mark I was light-headed, tired to a ridiculous extent, no energy worth-a-monkeys in my legs and thoughts were getting darker. Even the banana in my backpack couldn't drag me up out the slump - I know right! It was that bad!
9 miles; I ground to a complete standstill. For 90 minutes or so I'd been thinking about the charity and the work they do which is great but I kept coming back to how little my running campaign is doing. I'm trying to get myself to Everest to run there in order to raise awareness and funds, and yet one day on a cake stall can raise almost as much as the last eight months of 3am starts, sweat and injuries. I'm not an ungrateful person - the donations so far have humbled me and I was over the moon every time one came in.
But my thoughts this morning had gradually turned into: what the f*** is the point? This isn't helping anyone. Nobody really cares. Why would they? They're not getting anything out of it. And if nobody cares, no money's getting raised and nobody's benefiting at the charity.
And I'm not just running and asking people to give me money; I'm trying different approaches - I have a sports raffle going at the moment so people have a chance of getting something back for their money, instead of being asked to put it in with no reward. But I can count on one hand the number of people to enter it... and have a lot of fingers left over. So you see, with no one really paying attention, no one taking the time to wonder what this is all about and how they could get involved, and not all that much support going on, I flagged.
I cut the run short at 13 miles - something that really got to me because I never quit, but I just could not keep going. I admire other fundraisers who keep a great big smile on their face, never seem to lose their motivation, raise thousands of pounds and make the whole thing look effortless.
Of course, I'll bounce back, my energy will recover, and I'll be a chirpy, annoyingly motivated, headstrong fitness freak again, determined to make her fundraising work a success very soon.
But right now, I'm going to sit here, with my tea and toast and jam and consider how miserable I can realistically make myself.
Do get in touch if you - like me - are a fundraiser/runner/mardy cow as I'd love to hear from you!
If by some miracle you would actually like to enter the Run Watson Run Sports Raffle, click "interested" or "going" on this event page: RunWatsonRun Raffle and look out for a private message from me with how to enter. The prizes are all worth far more than the £5 ticket so it's definitely worth it - there's Rocktape, Nathan water bottles, hydration tablets, clothing etc.
I promise the next blog post will be more upbeat and heartening, honest. But for now, I'm signing out, the moody runner.
I'm probably at my lowest ebb just now - completely disheartened about running, fundraising and that dissatisfying feeling of hitting my head against a brick wall. For this reason, I hope you don't all think this is an ungrateful, self-absorbed blog post. I've always said I'll keep my Run Watson Run profile as honest as possible, so that's why I'm not telling you "Not such a great run today, hopefully be back to it soon!" or "Slow run today, need to get in the gym!" or "Tired after today's run!" Just No.
Let me tell you how this morning went, and we might get to the bottom of my crappy outlook on the whole thing.
23 miles was planned for this morning, starting at 3am and hoping to finish at 7am. That's not unheard of for me since it's difficult to get a run done in the evenings with work, horses etc, so it wasn't a big deal.
Up and dressed at 2.30am, I wasn't fully awake but I always think that's for the best - I usually just flop out onto the road in my trainers with bleary eyes and am too tired to put much effort into overthinking it!
First couple of miles I'm thinking okay, could do with being in bed just now but that feeling should go once I get into a rhythm and cover a few more miles. I mean, it's getting lighter as I go, and I've run in worse conditions, I thought to myself.
5 mile mark comes around and I'm getting more bleary eyed and my legs aren't feeling too fresh. Well, s**t, can't I just have a nice, easy long run today?!
By the 6/7 mile mark I was light-headed, tired to a ridiculous extent, no energy worth-a-monkeys in my legs and thoughts were getting darker. Even the banana in my backpack couldn't drag me up out the slump - I know right! It was that bad!
9 miles; I ground to a complete standstill. For 90 minutes or so I'd been thinking about the charity and the work they do which is great but I kept coming back to how little my running campaign is doing. I'm trying to get myself to Everest to run there in order to raise awareness and funds, and yet one day on a cake stall can raise almost as much as the last eight months of 3am starts, sweat and injuries. I'm not an ungrateful person - the donations so far have humbled me and I was over the moon every time one came in.
But my thoughts this morning had gradually turned into: what the f*** is the point? This isn't helping anyone. Nobody really cares. Why would they? They're not getting anything out of it. And if nobody cares, no money's getting raised and nobody's benefiting at the charity.
And I'm not just running and asking people to give me money; I'm trying different approaches - I have a sports raffle going at the moment so people have a chance of getting something back for their money, instead of being asked to put it in with no reward. But I can count on one hand the number of people to enter it... and have a lot of fingers left over. So you see, with no one really paying attention, no one taking the time to wonder what this is all about and how they could get involved, and not all that much support going on, I flagged.
I cut the run short at 13 miles - something that really got to me because I never quit, but I just could not keep going. I admire other fundraisers who keep a great big smile on their face, never seem to lose their motivation, raise thousands of pounds and make the whole thing look effortless.
Of course, I'll bounce back, my energy will recover, and I'll be a chirpy, annoyingly motivated, headstrong fitness freak again, determined to make her fundraising work a success very soon.
But right now, I'm going to sit here, with my tea and toast and jam and consider how miserable I can realistically make myself.
Do get in touch if you - like me - are a fundraiser/runner/mardy cow as I'd love to hear from you!
If by some miracle you would actually like to enter the Run Watson Run Sports Raffle, click "interested" or "going" on this event page: RunWatsonRun Raffle and look out for a private message from me with how to enter. The prizes are all worth far more than the £5 ticket so it's definitely worth it - there's Rocktape, Nathan water bottles, hydration tablets, clothing etc.
I promise the next blog post will be more upbeat and heartening, honest. But for now, I'm signing out, the moody runner.
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